Friday, May 9, 2014

Single Digits - 9 days left!

We are in the single digits here people.

9 Days.

And the panic is setting in.

I have countless sticky notes full of lists, and lists on my phone. I keep thinking of horrible scenarios, looking at pictures of scorpions the size of lobsters and remembering how far away from home I will be. (I don't like to be that far away from my mom. Yes I am a grown woman. I still need my mother!)

I know that all of these fears make it impossible to live in the moment. And I know that worrying is a natural thing in this case. But I am trying to find ways to not let my over-active imagination and fear of being far away from home ruin what could be a magical experience.

I am really very blessed. My job is allowing me to work remotely from India (a miracle!). We found someone to live in our apartment, care for our cat and help cut costs. I have family who is so incredibly supportive. And my husband is being quite kind when I have my "I can't do this, this is the dumbest idea EVER" meltdowns.

There are times I am so excited I can hardly handle it. But as departure gets closer and closer, I am just a bundle of nerves. It is so much new, different. I like new and different. I like new shoes and different hairstyles.

But this is a whole new level of NEW.

Guys, I'm scared.

Let's be honest. Who wouldn't be? (Maybe some really adventurous awesome people.)

But I am. I KNOW that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I know that I won't regret going. I know I will look back and be so grateful I boarded that plane trembling and scared. I know that I will embrace this new experience once I am there. I know that I will end up loving it so much that I don't want to leave.

But right now.... Right now I am scared.

I am scared of getting sick. I am afraid of not finding any friends and feeling alone. I am scared that I will show up to yoga and be so lost. I am afraid that something will happen at home and I won't be there to help. I'm afraid that it could be hard on my marriage. I'm scared of my depression and anxiety making this experience a nightmare. I am terrified of being lost and alone.

And you know what? That is ok. I am acknowledging these fears. They are a part of this adventure for me. In acknowledging that I am afraid, I can then let the fear go.
I don't want to hold onto the fear, but I do want to allow myself to feel it. To acknowledge it. And then let it go.

Fear will not control my life. Or my experiences. Fear is a part of life. Ignoring the fear will only amplify it. Acknowledging that it is there allows me to overcome it.

I will trust in this moment.
I am where I am meant to be.
I am safe in this moment, for it was created for me.

How do you handle fear of the unknown?

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