Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Frustrations in Guilt

Let's talk about yoga. And a new job. And feeling great.

For a week.

Let's talk about the one time in almost ten years I was eating without feeling any guilt.

For a week.

Let's talk about the perhaps kidney stone that is giving me grief.

Actually, let's not talk about any of that. No wait, we are going to talk about it. Just not the way you think we are.

Everything was going so well. Yoga was awesome. I was losing weight. I was happy. I was eating what I wanted, when I wanted. And I felt no guilt. Even when it was something completely fattening and unhealthy. I did not overeat or undereat. It was like a miracle. I haven't been that happy in.... what feels like forever. I was so excited. New job. New outlook on life. Happiness. Everything was not perfect, but it was the best it has been in I don't know how long.

And then the whole possible kidney stone, lots of pain, ickiness happened.

And I couldn't go to yoga. And since I was not working out I was suddenly assaulted with guilt over every bite. And depressed. And just watching a lot of TV after putting on a brave face for everyone at work all day. I hurt. (I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow). I am exhausted.

And I was so grumpy and mean and frustrated. I couldn't figure it out.

Until I realized something. Yes, I couldn't go to yoga and keep going on the path I wanted to this very second. But that doesn't mean I won't continue on that path as soon as I can!

This is why I am upset. It felt like quitting when I knew I shouldn't. But it isn't quitting. It is taking a break for my body.

I wish I could forget the number of times I have quit. Given up. Stopped. When I knew it was GOOD for me?!

Why do I do this? Why oh why oh why?!

I guess the first step is figuring out why I was so mad at me. The second step.... Well I'll talk to my therapist. Thank heavens I see her soon.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013


Guys, I can stand on my head.


In less than a week I have learned to do a headstand. And it is pretty awesome. 

It all started last Wednesday when my husband pushed me out the door to yoga. I was in a depressive fog and was all, "I don't know.... blah blah blah excuses, blah, blah, excuses." And he was all, "Whatever, you're just full of excuses." And I was all, "Nu uh!!!"

And then I went.

Holy Aunt Jemima's Bloomers... Life changing.

Remember how on my birthday goals I said I wanted to do yoga consistently for three months? Well, I accidentally started it. And I am sooooo glad that I did.

I found a yoga teacher who just.... gently pushes me harder and harder. And on the second day of class, I was doing a headstand. The previous night I had introduced myself after class and mentioned that one day, once I was good enough, I wanted to learn how to do inversions. And the next day she said, "You've got the flexibility down. You've got the muscle. Let's do this."

And. I. Did. IT.

I am apparently superwoman. Cause I can just do things.

Last night, Day 3 of yoga, I did another kind of headstand (supported, but STILL) and I started learning how to do a forearm stand. 

And I had an incredible interview that went remarkably well.

And I had horchata. 

Gratitude is just pouring out of my heart. I am so grateful and happy for all that I have suddenly been given.

But the crazy part? It was there the whole time. This untapped potential. This desire and drive and ambition. The whole time. It has been waiting patiently for me to open my eyes and step out of the small box I have created for myself.

What could you do if you stepped out of your box? What potential is lurking just outside your comfort zone?

(Linking up with : Mingle Mondays Tell me TuesdayGFCSocial Stack UpTell Me About It Tuesday, Followers to Friends)

Starting Over

Starting over can be hard. Especially when it is something you've never done before, because then it is just starting. But when it is something you've done before, and you just have to start at the beginning it can be tough.

Just remember, give it a week. Keep trying. Maybe it won't work out, but give it a week.

Mascara can be tricky, I know. I'm starting over with a whole new bottle this week. And new brushes don't always give me the perfect lashes I am looking for. But remember, patience. Everything will work out. Your eyelashes will be just as beautiful. Sometimes it is adjusting.

And if you are trying a whole new kind, well don't be afraid to walk away if it does not work out for you. Remember, this is your life. You do what makes you happy. Do not be held back by other people pushing you into a product you do not want to use.

You are strong. Do what feels right.

After all, they are YOUR eyelashes.

*I am sincerely hoping y'all picked up on the satirical streak in this post... otherwise you probably think I'm crazy. And you would probably be right...

(Linking Up With:  followers to friendsWhat I'm Loving WednesdayWhatenver, WheneverSo What)

Friday, March 1, 2013


Sometimes... being brave means doing something a lot of people will not understand. It means stepping into the dark and not knowing what is going to greet you. It means quitting a job with nothing lined up, for the sake of your personal happiness.

Sometimes... You realize that what you've been doing for the last 7 years isn't going to work any more. And if that means leaving jobs you are now over qualified for and heading to an industry you swore you would never work in... so be it. Sometimes... things change. And since working behind a desk seems to be slowly killing me, I'll find a job that doesn't. Whatever that is...

Sometimes... You find what it is you REALLY want to do with your life, but things are quite lined up to make it happen right now. So you start to practice patience. Lots and lots of patience.

Sometimes... Life gets crazy, crazy busy and you don't post on your blog every often. Which is fine.

Sometimes... You push out of your comfort zone to find a whole new world of possibilities.

Sometimes your husband just loves you...

This week my sweet husband went to the grocery store for me. I had a massive headache, a lesson to prepare and a paper to write. He took grocery shopping off my hands and went off to buy some bread and milk and protein shakes.

He came home with a new Kindle Paperwhite FOR ME!!!

I made a huge *GASP* inhale noise, and about died. No seriously, I was choking pretty badly. And squeaking horribly. It was a mix between a chipmunk being stabbed repeatedly and an old man with emphysema. My husband just stood there and laughed at me.

I am SO excited to play with my new toy!!! (I am pretty much addicted to reading... so... yeah. Best gift EVER. And he surprised me with my very first Kindle when we were first married. This man knows me. He loves me. And he shows me he loves me!)

(linking up with the Friendly Friday Blog Hop,  Friday Favorite ThingsThat Friday Blog Hop, and Friendly Friday)