Monday, November 28, 2011

Can You Believe It?!


Wow! Holy top ramen! Unbelievable!

I see my husband this week!

I'm only so excited I can't sleep at night... No big deal. But really, I am so, so, so, so, so excited. I can't believe that it is finally here! Everyone kept telling me that time would fly by and it would be here before I knew it. 

Time did not fly. It crawled. You know, it didn't even crawl by. I've seen some pretty fast babies crawl. So it has oozed by. (Gross)

Regardless of how long it took, it is finally here! 


You know, I would have to say these past 2 1/2 months have been the hardest months I have ever lived. I have cried more, fallen apart more and just didn't want to face each day... But I have also learned so much about myself. 

Did you know that in the past 10 weeks I have worked out mroe consistently than ever before? I've lost 4 inches off my hips (YAY ME!) and a total of 11 inches. I have found out I am stronger than I thought. I have laughed when I felt like crying. I have cried when I should have been laughing... I have learned to ask for help.

"Just because you accept help from someone, doesn't mean you have failed. It just means you're not in it alone."

I've learned some pretty interesting things about myself. Did you know that I am actually pretty awesome? I know... sounds a little self-conceited. But really. I am a pretty good person. And I am learning to love that girl in the mirror a little more every day. 

Looking back on everything, I realize that I haven't been as strong as I could have. I know that I whined a lot. I took out my frustrations on close friends and family. I hid from some of the most important people in my life. I cried and cried and cried when I could have stepped back to see that things weren't really so bad. 

But all of that doesn't matter. Sure, I stumbled, I fell, I cried. But then I got up and moved on. As I said to a friend after a particularly pathetic breakdown, "I've cried. I've prayed. Now I conquer."

If anything, I have learned that I married the right man. I love my husband so much that I can hardly stand it. I love who he was, who he is and who he will become. Stephen is my personal miracle. He has shown me every day that there is no other man in the world for me. He is my one and only. I am so excited to finally be in his arms again. But I am nervous too.

Stephen is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my home. I know he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. When you finally find out what home really feels like... the thought of being homeless is truly terrifying. Nothing is more beautiful than being in the arms of someone who has seen the worst in you and still loves you for it. Someone who you know will never walk away from you even though they deserve so much more... so you're always afraid that the most amazing aspect of your life might one day wake up and realize that they deserve the sun and they are settling for a star.

Yes, I am a little nervous to see him again because I have this incredibly irrational fear that he may realize that he deserves so much more than I can offer. But the great thing about this is... I know he loves me. And I know that sometimes I'm just an irrational idiot with low self-esteem.

GAH! I leave tomorrow to finally be with the man of my dreams again. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

She Displaced Santa in My Top 5 Favorite People!

I am currently in the process of procrastinating writing my senior thesis. So far I have gone visiting teaching, made a toaster strudel, and played on facebook. Now I am considering changing the water for my roses (they are looking all wilted and sad). The truth is... I just don't want to do it. And, I feel overwhelmed. So I do that terrible, awful thing that I do when I am overwhelmed: nothing.

You heard me. Nothing.


However, I am going to write this beast of a paper, and I am going to write it well! Especially since I have fun plans tonight. Bother. I don't want to be responsible any more. You know what? I am going to refuse to be responsible on my birthday. Perfect!

Ha. Take that world :)

Ok, so something that is actually semi-useful. Last night my dearest Peggie and I discovered the most amazing, stupendous, life-altering, mind-blowing yoga DVD in the universe. I am not kidding here people. AH-maZING!

The lady who instructs the DVD is named Ashley Turner. She is now ranking in my top 5 favorite people. (She displaced Santa, just in case you were wondering. She is that incredible.) I have done many varieties of yoga. I have done yoga with Suzanne Deason, Rodney Yee and others. As well as taking live classes. No one has even come close to Ashley Turner.

You don't just get a workout, you get an uplifting 50 minutes of recognizing how wonderful you are, eliminating harmful habits and envisioning your goals for both weight loss and life.

EVERYONE needs to at least LISTEN to this DVD at least once in their lives. I am not kidding. Don't be offended if you end up getting one as a Christmas gift.

Well... ok. I'll stop procrastinating and get to work now. * Sigh *

Monday, November 7, 2011

My Day of Miracles

Yesterday was my One Year Anniversary. And it was a day full of miracles. Even though my husband could not be here to celebrate with me I felt his presence in every moment. The Lord watched out for us both. The only way it could have been better would be if we could have been together.

It started out with a simple phone call. A phone call that I had prayed for all week long. But this phone call was a true miracle. You see, his whole Company had lost phone privileges. (I'm not sure as to why... but when I find out who messed this up.... well let's just say I will make their Drill Sergeant's look like fluffy teddy bears). Yup. I am not supposed to expect a phone call for the rest of his training. And yet, here was my phone ringing! I looked at the number and saw that it was a Missouri number. I immediately jumped to the awful conclusion that something was horribly wrong and they were calling me to say Stephen had been hurt. But no. I answered the phone and heard the most wonderful voice in the whole wide world: My husband!!!

You see, when he found out he had lost phone privileges he prayed and prayed that a way would be provided for him to call me. We both live for those phone calls, but it was especially important since it was our anniversary. So, when he walked into Church, the bishop just looked at him and said, "You need to use my phone, don't you?" And that wonderful man let Stephen use his phone to call and wish me a Happy Anniversary. I had five minutes of heaven. Nothing really beats hearing your husband's voice. It was so beautiful and wonderful! What a blessing.

Our Life Is Always and Adventure!

Well, we get off the phone and I get ready for church. After Sunday school a lady introduced me to her daughter-in-law and son. The son had just returned from a deployment a few months ago. I talked with his wife for a while and we both talked about how hard it is to have our husbands gone, when he walked over and started chatting with me. 

When he found out Stephen was gone, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "How are you really doing? I know you Army Wives put on brave faces, but I want to know what is really going on. Are you ok?" I, of course, promptly started to tear up and cry. I choked out it was my anniversary. He just looked at me for a second. And then he gave me this big hug.

"I know your soldier can't be here, so here is a hug from another soldier who understands."

I. Lost. It. Totally just started crying. Someone knew and understood how heartbreaking it was to be away from the most important person in my life. Someone could see and understand my pain. And one soldier stepped in to help another soldier who was far away from home and ensure that his wife would be ok. I will forever be grateful for the man and woman who stepped in to let me know that I was not alone. I hope that someday, I can do the same thing for another woman in need. 

Later that night I had dinner with my In-Laws. When I arrived there was beautiful bouquet of red roses waiting for me. I have never seen prettier flowers any where! With them was a note that said, "I will love you until the last rose dies." There was a silk rose among the live ones. Yes. I am married to the best man in the whole universe. Just sayin'.

But! That isn't even the end of it. So, we are all eating dinner when I get a text from a number I don't recognize. It says, "Happy Anniversary from your husband." Stephen had tracked down someone in another company with phone access, gave them my phone number and that sweet soldier had taken the time out of his limited phone time to text me. This soldier made sure I knew that Stephen wouldn't be able to call me. He said that Stephen really wanted to make sure I had a good day.

My husband had used every resource available to him to make sure I had a good day even though he couldn't be there. I can not believe to what lengths he went to ensure I knew how loved I was. He did everything he could. When faced with this incredible man and all of his love, I don't know what to do. I know that I will work forever to try and be the woman he deserves and will probably always come up short. 

Marrying Stephen was the greatest thing I could ever do. He is everything I could ask for and more. Nothing will ever compare to the love he gives me. I love this man more than I can say. I am so grateful for the beautiful gifts from above that ensured that while we may be apart, nothing will ever take away the love we have. Time and distance will only make us stronger. 

So, Happy Anniversary to the most amazing man I've ever known. I love you!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I Can't Think of A Cool Title... Bother...

So, it's been a while.


Let's just say I have been on survival mode for the past month or so. Stephen has been gone for 6 weeks. I only have 28 more days until I can see him!!!!! Excited much? I can't wait to see my incredible husband again.

You know what, this month has been tough. Really, super, horribly tough. And I have learned so much about myself. I have learned how to push through sleepless nights and have productive days. I have learned that love knows no boundaries and can stretch over miles and miles. And, I have learned that I can, in fact, be consistent.

You see, I have this awesome workout partner. She comes over EVERY night and we do P90X! Together, we are conquering the world and rediscovering that super hot chick with the six-pack. Last week, we didn't miss a day. Not one day. As a result, we got to go and see the new Three Musketeers (which was pretty awesome. I enjoyed it thoroughly).  So.. yay! Yay for working out and feeling good about myself!

You know something? When you are getting ready to get married, everyone is always telling you how hard marriage is, but how wroth it everything is in the end. I can't tell you how many people would say, "Oh, marriage is a lot of work. But if you pull through it is all worth it."

I have something to say to those people: You. Lied!

Ok, maybe not "lied".... but, seriously, marriage is easy when it's how most people do it. You know, the whole, living in the same place according to both your rules. Try making a marriage work when one of you is being ruled by the army, miles and miles and miles away, with only letters for communication and a phone call that (depending how it goes) can make or break your whole week!!!!

Yeah. That my friends is hard. But, it is also worth it. Sometimes I wonder what in the name of puce colored butterflies we were thinking when Stephen joined the army. I mean, seriously, WHY?!?!?!?!?! But then, I think about my incredible husband. I think about his talents and abilities. I think about how, when it comes down to it, he was really made for this. I swear, he was born to be a soldier. And I couldn't be more proud of my brave, strong husband.

For every day I have had a hard time, he has had a letter of encouragement. For every time I have cried in my car at school, he has sent me 10 "I love yous". For every night of sitting in my car not wanting to face the empty house, he has given me courage because I know that he believes in me. For every sleepless night, he has given me a reason to face the day as proudly as I could. I am married to an amazing man. He is every inch the hero all those Army commercials try to portray. He is my reason for smiling, laughing, crying and loving. He has been stronger than I ever could be. I am so grateful for him!!!

Alright, in other news... Like I said, P90X is going GREAT, due to the incredible, the beautiful, the amazing Peggie! And, because I really, really, really want to be running more... I totally just signed up for the Santa Run in Provo for December 3, 2011. Everyone has to run that race dressed like Santa Claus. How awesome is that?!

So, I have 28 days to get ready to see my incredible husband. One month to get ready for my 5K. I'm happy about this. It'll keep me busy. Not to mention, my very first Anniversary is this Sunday. My birthday is in 20 days and then Thanksgiving. November is shaping up to be a pretty awesome month.

Thanks for all the love and support every one! I couldn't do it without you.