Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Squirrel Syndrome

I don't know what it was about today, but it was a bad day.

Maybe it was a little bit lack of sleep, little bit crazy hormones, little bit school stress and a lot a bit my attitude.

And maybe it was the weather.

I'm thinking it's both.

Either way, its been hard. The kind of hard that makes me sit down and want to do nothing but watch endless episodes of Friends. And eat until I can't move. Neither are healthy. Neither will help anything. Neither will fold the laundry, write the fifty million papers, make the bed or make me happy. Both sound awesome.

I didn't do either.

No, I did my best (ok, almost my best) with my homework. I celebrated my niece's birthday. I helped my mother-in-law with a church event (I love this squirrel).

I feel like a squirrel right now. Running around like
crazy, trying to gather nuts!

But now I am having to ask myself a couple of hard questions. Questions like: Are you wanting to give up because it is hard and you "think" you "can't" do it? Or are you honestly overwhelmed and need to cut back on your work load for some sanity and peace of mind?

It is so hard for me to distinguish between the two of those things. I've always seen myself as a quitter. Things get tough, heart gets broken... I simply run away. I come up with some fantastic excuse as to why exactly I shouldn't do this hard thing.

But, at the same time, I am also notorious for taking on too much. Maybe it is so I can feel busy and important. Maybe it is because I have been taught and associated this "chicken with the head cut off" routine as success. "You must be so busy you can't think straight, so stressed you have a heart condition and so devoted to others that you save nothing for yourself OR YOU'RE A FAILURE."

We all know this isn't true. And yet, I think this way.

So which one am I, right now? Am I sacrificing something good for something better?

I don't know. I need to think on it. That is part of the reason I am writing. Writing helps me clean out my brain for more thinking space.

I think I'll ask God. He always has good ideas and my best interest at heart. And He loves me. And if I am supposed to do all this hard work, He will help me make it happen.

Because with God, all things are possible.

And if I am supposed to drop a few things to have a more peaceful life, God will help me not feel like a failure, but have the peace I am looking for.

For with God there is peace.

1 comment:

  1. Jeannie! I love you! I hope you know that! Even though we're miles apart, my heart goes out to you at this time! You are amazing! It breaks my heart that you're struggling so! I'm prayin for ya always and want ya to know I'm hugging you spiritually right now *HUGS* I wish I had a magic wand to take your pain away but then again I know what you're going through right now will keep you the amazing strong person you are! I'm here if you need anything!