Thursday, September 13, 2012


You know, I've been thinkin' again. I have been reading a ton of blogs, from fashion to DIY to mommy blogs (no, I am not mother nor will I be soon. However, I love reading mommy blogs. Go figure.) Some women have really touched my life with their honesty. Some have made me question my fashion choices. Others have made me feel woefully inadequate because I don't make my own candles. But all have given me something.

For the past week I have let their voices influence mine. MMMMEEEEEHHHHHHNNT (That is supposed to be the sound of a buzzer, like that was the wrong answer on a game show. We on the same page? Mmkay.)

Not going to work here! Nope. I'm me, and I have an awesome voice. Seriously. I could listen to me all day. (Don't worry, I usually just talk to myself inside my head to avoid freaking the general population out)

So here it is, a Thursday, and I am ready to talk to y'all again as me. Yes I have loved looking a little deeper, talking about my insecurities and all that. But it's not my style. I'll still be open. I'll still be honest. But good grief! I was given a sense of humor for a reason.


So, on to other stuffs. (Yes, stuffs). God and I have been having an interesting dialogue lately. It goes something like this.

"But whhhhyyy? This class is so hard. I spend my entire life doing homework, worrying about homework or trying to procrastinate homework. This isn't worth it.'

"Trust me."

"Whhhhhyy? This is not fun."

"Trust me. Do what I ask, and you will be blessed."


"Trust me."

Repetitive? Yes. But that's how I work. I know the answer. I know that I am supposed to be taking this class from a woman who believes that causing other people pain will make them grow. (Dagnabit, she is right. I have never refined my writing so much as I have when taking a class from her).

I've learned that to argue with God is to lose. And that to not do what I know He wants me to do means a lot of suffering, pain and regret. I can handle suffering and pain. But regret. No. Regret and I don't get along.

So today I swore I would stop asking "WWWhhhhyyyyyyyyy" in an incredibly whiney voice. I am going to change my questions to something more like, "Ok. How? Please help me to do what You have asked me to do."

I have a feeling that is going to work a lot better than whining. My mom would be so proud.

This class is epic though. It is epic in so many ways. Epically painful. Epic in learning. Epic in sleep deprivation.

I have this on a t-shirt. It is awesome.

What is it, you ask? Oh. It is an American Women's History from 1865-1980. It is fascinating. It is hard. I am learning so much about the world and womanhood. I am also perfecting my skimming and BS-ing ways.

Oh yeah, I am finishing my Thesis as well. I'll be defending it around Thanksgiving. And I work full time. And I am training for a 10K. And I just got You've Got Mail in the mail today and I desperately want to watch it. But I can't. Cause I don't have time to breathe, or fold laundry. Let alone watch a movie for enjoyment's sake!

But you something awesome? I am loving my life. I am growing so much as a person! I can not believe how much my heart and my mind have been opened up to the world. I am loving how much harder I am working at creating a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. It's hard work, but only because I am hopelessly stubborn.

Learning can be such a pain in the patootie. But it is definitely worth it.

Now if you will please excuse me, I shall go and write more papers.

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