I fully recognize that I should be doing homework right now. And by should, I mean I should have started and finished about three hours ago. But life happens. Like grocery shopping... or watching The Bachelor.
And even as I sit here to write, I realize that I don't have a whole lot to say. I just simply wanted to open up my conduit of creativity and let words become thoughts. And those thoughts help me release, realize and rejoice over so many things.
Recently I have discovered that I have found strength. Strength in demanding my worth, in defending my sanity and in never backing down from a fight that should be fought (most fights aren't ones we should be dividing ourselves over).
You see, I have hated my job. And when I say hate, I mean panic attacks on Sunday night when I know I have to go to work the next morning - hate. Crying in the bathroom at work because the pressure and the stress is getting to be too much. And knowing that at the end of every day, I am not doing anything that builds me or anyone else up.
I answer the phone, direct the calls, enter the orders and do the menial tasks that no one else wants to do. I get screamed at for other people's mistakes, and it is my job to apologize like there is no tomorrow. I have task after task heaped upon me because, after all, I am just the receptionist. What in the world do I have better to do than to create a ridiculous spreadsheet?
I am capable of so much more. I have so much more to offer the world. In the past, I have just laid down and been a doormat. Being silently miserable. But no longer. Thanks to so many life lessons, and mostly to a husband who supports and loves me, I had the moral courage to walk into my boss's office and tell him how absolutely miserable I am. To tell him he was most definitely NOT paying me enough. To tell him that the expectations placed on me were unrealistic. And man did it feel good.
At the end of the talk, I am afraid my boss felt that he had assuaged all my fears and given me many comforting words of advice. And he did have a couple of plans to help make my day a little easier. But the truth of the matter is, I am not satisfied working a dead-end job as the "front desk girl". And if something better comes along, I WILL take it. Because I deserve better. Because I am someone worth fighting for. Because my happiness is worth a whole lot more than that measly paycheck.
I have found strength in my weakness. That is what God does to people. And I am so grateful He does.