Today has been crazy. I have felt like I was ten steps behind, 9 breaths short and two steps away from going crazy (make that one step...).
It isn't that today is bad. It isn't, really... I mean sure I was kind of a horrible wife this morning and went all "hormonal-crazy-woman" on my poor husband (bless his patient, long-enduring heart). I left early on Friday to attend an important family event. And, because of this leaving early, I have a TON to do today. We're talking... I haven't even made it half-way through my to-do list. I have a half an hour before I get off work...
But I had to take a moment. I feel that when I take a moment to write I am letting my soul breathe. Suddenly, the world stops spinning madly around me, to-do lists stop taunting me and I am in a small space of perfect calm. All that exists are the words flowing effortlessly from my frazzled mind. Letters form words, words form thoughts and I find myself empty of all the chaos.
Quiet. Peace. Knowing. Control.
Yes, control. How we all ache for control! But in this moment, when it is just me and the words, the chaos melts away to a beautiful serenity. I am the master of this sentence, this paragraph, this thought. Time stands still, and for two whole minutes I can exist as I am. Nothing defines me but me. It doesn't matter what I get manage to complete and what is left undone. Those things do not define my being.
Within this small capsule of calm, I can exist without labels, qualifiers, accomplishments and beauty. I just am. I am master of my thoughts, my words my being.
It allows me to slip into my galoshes, put on my yellow raincoat and step back into the storm with a smile. This swirling, mad-dash world does not define me. No, for in a moment I defined my very core. Alone, and tall and free.
This chaos does not define me. It is not the catalyst of my life. It is not even the meaning of my day. It is merely moments piling up a little too quickly for me to comprehend. But because of this moment, I see clearly. I see what is important. I see me.