Monday, November 28, 2011

Can You Believe It?!


Wow! Holy top ramen! Unbelievable!

I see my husband this week!

I'm only so excited I can't sleep at night... No big deal. But really, I am so, so, so, so, so excited. I can't believe that it is finally here! Everyone kept telling me that time would fly by and it would be here before I knew it. 

Time did not fly. It crawled. You know, it didn't even crawl by. I've seen some pretty fast babies crawl. So it has oozed by. (Gross)

Regardless of how long it took, it is finally here! 


You know, I would have to say these past 2 1/2 months have been the hardest months I have ever lived. I have cried more, fallen apart more and just didn't want to face each day... But I have also learned so much about myself. 

Did you know that in the past 10 weeks I have worked out mroe consistently than ever before? I've lost 4 inches off my hips (YAY ME!) and a total of 11 inches. I have found out I am stronger than I thought. I have laughed when I felt like crying. I have cried when I should have been laughing... I have learned to ask for help.

"Just because you accept help from someone, doesn't mean you have failed. It just means you're not in it alone."

I've learned some pretty interesting things about myself. Did you know that I am actually pretty awesome? I know... sounds a little self-conceited. But really. I am a pretty good person. And I am learning to love that girl in the mirror a little more every day. 

Looking back on everything, I realize that I haven't been as strong as I could have. I know that I whined a lot. I took out my frustrations on close friends and family. I hid from some of the most important people in my life. I cried and cried and cried when I could have stepped back to see that things weren't really so bad. 

But all of that doesn't matter. Sure, I stumbled, I fell, I cried. But then I got up and moved on. As I said to a friend after a particularly pathetic breakdown, "I've cried. I've prayed. Now I conquer."

If anything, I have learned that I married the right man. I love my husband so much that I can hardly stand it. I love who he was, who he is and who he will become. Stephen is my personal miracle. He has shown me every day that there is no other man in the world for me. He is my one and only. I am so excited to finally be in his arms again. But I am nervous too.

Stephen is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my home. I know he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. When you finally find out what home really feels like... the thought of being homeless is truly terrifying. Nothing is more beautiful than being in the arms of someone who has seen the worst in you and still loves you for it. Someone who you know will never walk away from you even though they deserve so much more... so you're always afraid that the most amazing aspect of your life might one day wake up and realize that they deserve the sun and they are settling for a star.

Yes, I am a little nervous to see him again because I have this incredibly irrational fear that he may realize that he deserves so much more than I can offer. But the great thing about this is... I know he loves me. And I know that sometimes I'm just an irrational idiot with low self-esteem.

GAH! I leave tomorrow to finally be with the man of my dreams again. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

1 comment:

  1. You are pretty awesome! I'm so happy for you and that you get to be in your husband's arms again! I'm sorry you see yourself as a star when you really are the sun to you husband! You guys are perfect for one another! No one truly is perfect of course but I love how you put it-that he is perfect for you! I feel the same way about my husband too! I just want to thank you for being such an inspiration to me! Seriously, I look at how difficult you've had it and I can't even imagine being placed in that situation but whenever days get hard for me I look up to you and know that if you can endure this, I can endure whatever I face too! I sure to love ya and know you are a sun!