Mary Did You Know? Yes, yes she did.

Being so very pregnant as Christmas approaches makes one think. Mary was this big and uncomfortable, riding around on a donkey and sleeping in crowded inns and eventually a stable. She did not have the six (yes SIX) pillows I use to sleep somewhat comfortably at night. Or the weekly Chiropractor visits that have saved my sanity. Poor woman.

But as I've felt close to Mary and so blessed in all that I have, I can't help but think about that popular Chirstmas song, "Mary Did You Know?" Because you know what? Of course she knew! While we've been reading about everything second hand via the bible, Mary had an actual angel show up and explain everything. I mean, that seems pretty in the know.

"Mary did you know, that your baby boy would someday walk on water?" She might not have known specifically what Christ was going to do during His ministry on earth, but she knew darn well that He was the Son of God and was the key to salvation.

Here's the thing, she knew all of that. She knew all about why He was being born and to what end. But you know what that angel probably didn't tell her? I bet that Gabriel said nothing about the stress and pressure that came with normal parenting, let alone doing right by the Prince of Peace. I bet the angel made no mention of sleepless nights or the crippling anxiety of wondering if you're making the best choices for your little one.

Just think of it this way, this is Mary's first baby. How many times did you google things your baby was doing to see if it was normal? Mary had no google. And to top it off, she had to ask herself, "Is this a normal baby/toddler thing? Or a Son of God thing?" Can you imagine knowing that this little guy of yours has to be perfect to save all of mankind, and since you're just a normal (albeit very special) woman who gets tired and exasperated and frustrated at her husband for leaving his carpenter tools just laying around for the baby to cut himself on... What if you are the one who does something that causes Him to mess up?

Obviously, I'm imposing my own high levels of anxiety and neuroses on Mary. But part of me can't help but believe that Mary was given an amazing gift and a huge responsibility that must've weighed on her far past that night she had to give birth in a stable. (And we worry about giving birth in our cars, which can sometimes resemble a stable depending on how tidy our children are.)

Mary did you know? You betcha she did. And I tip my parenting hat off to her. Now I must google mouth rashes. I don't know if this is normal...

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Parenting while Pregnant

Parenting is fun. We all know that, right? It has crazy ups and downs. So let me paint you a word picture.

I'm pregnant. Like super pregnant. The kind of pregnant that makes it hard to put on my shoes because I run out of oxygen. Lucy is three. And when she says she's got to go potty, it means you have no room for error. No delays. No detours.

It was morning. Lucy had just shouted that she was awake. I went in, and we started to take off her pj's and get her night diaper off (we are down to only diapers at night! GO US!) and suddenly she yells, "I HAVE TO POOP!" So we rush her to the potty. And as she gets settled in, it hits me. I too must go. In a rather urgent way. And I'm super pregnant. So there is also no room for error. No delays. No time for detours.

So I leave Lucy, sitting on her Elmo potty. I rush to mine. We share a wall. And Lucy is so sweet to shout encouraging words at me.

"Mom! You good? Mom! We are both pooping! Mom! Does your tummy feel better? Did you get all the poops out?!" Very helpful. And funny, until she says...

"I'm done now. I'm going to wipe myself, ok?!" Talk about striking fear into a mother's heart. So I start yelling at her from my throne.

"Lucy! Don't move! Do NOT wipe! I'm coming as fast as I can. I'll be right there." To which she is replying. "Mom! Its all good. I can do this. I'm big now!" And so we yell at each other for a little bit. Until I manage to get my act together and get over there. And at that point... well I'll stop painting you a word picture and just say Lucy required a bath.

And, like I said. Parenting is fun. Parenting while pregnant is extra fun.

And I am tired. 

Endometriosis SUCKS

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. Endometriosis sucks.

And the crazy thing is, we don't really talk about it much. I'll admit, I've noticed it popping up a bit more here and there, but then again social media likes to target the things I talk about or google so that's probably why...

Granted the subject of female anatomy and menstruation have always been taboo. But ya know what? Let's stop that and unite in solidarity if we can. Almost all women can bond over cramps and bloating and what a damper it is to have your period while on vacation or during a pool party or what have you. And those with endo can all sympathize with the crap shoot that ride is.

Not sure what endometriosis is? Check out this link: http://endometriosis.org/

Ok, now that we're all on the same page let me give you a brief history of my experience. Why? Cause I'm self centered enough to think you care. AND because the only reason I was finally diagnosed was because I read someone else's story. So here's mine.

I've dealt with crazy painful periods since I was a teenager. I would get migraines that would make me throw up. I'd have cramps that would cripple me. And I've dealt with ovarian cysts for years as well. I thought this was normal. But when I was 22 it got to the point where I just couldn't handle the pain any longer. I made an appointment with an OBGYN.

This guy (yes I saw a man. Never again.) was basically the worst. I told him all my symptoms. I told him about the agony and pain and misery. And his response was basically, "Well you're dealing with a lot of hormones which probably makes things seem bigger and harder than they really are. Lots of women deal with cramps, you just probably feel like its more than it is because of a low pain tolerance and the normal hormone fluctuations. You're fine."

Oh. I'm fine? I'm just a wimp. Got it.

He made me feel so unbelievably stupid and little and weak. Shame washed over me. I felt like a fake. Like I was just blowing things out of proportion. I deal with severe PMS symptoms (not quite PMDD but close due to the endo) and he made me feel like a crazy person.

So I accepted with that a$$ hole said. I thought less of myself. Tried to dismiss the pain the total interruption of my life every month. I dealt with the pain and symptoms the best I could. And sometimes they got better. Like back when I subscribed to diet culture and I would go on extreme diets and exercise. Going off all sugar, dairy, wheat, carbs, etc... always seemed to help my painful periods. I wasn't doing it for that reason, but I did see improvement. (I would later learn that making these dietary changes do help with symptoms.)

When it came time to try for a kid it took me a good long while to get pregnant. But I never really brought up all the pain and horribleness of my cycle because we saw how well that went the last time. I was treated for PCOS and "undiagnosed fertility". It took about 3 years for me to conceive and even then it was called "Spontaneous conception" and they weren't sure why or how I managed to get pregnant.

So I had my miracle baby. I got divorced. My period returned, only this time it was worse by like 10,000. Then I started long distance running and dieting again. It got better. Then it got worse. I got remarried. It continued to get worse.

Finally I read the story of a woman who dealt with a similar situation, being dismissed by doctors until finally she got a diagnosis. Her story was so similar to mine I decided that this time I was going to get answers. And I did. - Endometriosis.

Now we are in the midst of fertility treatments because I have less than a 1% chance of conceiving without them. (not great odds, let's be real)

I've made almost all the dietary changes to try and help with symptoms, and I've been trying to run and exercise again to help as well. I think its helped some. I still have floor days (aka today. Today was a floor day.)

So I guess the whole point of all of this is to say... crazy painful periods are not normal. Don't let someone tell you they are. If you feel like something is wrong, get it checked out. And don't let anyone minimize or dismiss your pain. There are treatments out there, and people who understand. Don't give up, and reach out. You've got this. We've got this- together! 

Thread the needle (or whatever)

I'm not entirely sure what this pose is called. So I'll call it thread the needle. This is an amazing stretch for your neck and shoulders. However, as with anything with the neck you have to be careful and mindful of your body. 

So, you start out in child's pose. Slightly left your hips and take one arm, flip it palm up and stretch it under your chest towards the opposite side. Turn your head and look towards that hand and rest it on the ground. Keep your other hand stretched out in front of you. Lift your hips a little more and you should feel the stretch either in your neck and/or shoulders. If you want a more intense stretch, kick your leg out and roll onto your shoulder more. (Please see pictures cause this all just sounds super confusing.) Stay here for at least a few breaths and then come back to child's pose for a breath or two and then take it on the other side.  

Downward Facing Dog

Guys. I wrote this long, beautiful post about Downward Facing Dog. I did. It was beautiful. I pressed save probably 7 times. It disappeared. The internets swallowed it up. Its in some black hole now. Swirling off into nothingness.

I'm very irritated. Sure I'm a meditating, yoga doing, green smoothie drinking kind of gal. But I still get irritated. On the daily. Stupid internets.

Any ways, back to the point. Downward Facing Dog, or Adho Mukha Svanasana. From Upward Facing Dog exhale and using your core press your hips up and back, either rolling over the toes or just flipping your feet. Bend your knees at first to really press your hips back, feet hip distance apart, and then slowly start to straighten your legs. Try to press your heels down to the mat, but if they don't touch don't stress. "Practice and all is coming."  (I'm compulsively pressing save every 10 seconds here.)

Some alignment cues here (starting from the top!) Fingers should be spread wide, pressing fully into your entire palm. Shoulders away from the ears and pressed down the back. Ribcage knit together, pull your belly button up and back towards your spine (otherwise known as your Uddiyana bandha. We'll talk more about bandhas very soon. Pinky swear.) Pressing your hips up and back, your thighs rotate towards each other, and press y our heels down towards the mat.

The most important thing to do here is breathe! Once you've pressed back into downward facing dog, take five deep breaths. Every inhale fills the torso, breathing into the back and the toes and the fingers. Every exhale you knit the ribcage together. If you are finding it hard to focus on your breathing, come down to child's pose for a bit. The breath is the most important thing in any yoga practice. So BREATHE! And the rest will come on its own.

A few modifications: Bend the knees, a LOT. If you have wrist issues, come down to the forearms for Dolphin pose. And, of course, child's pose is always an option.

Check back tomorrow as we finish off our first sun salutation!

Upward Facing Dog

Next in the sun salutation is Upward Facing Dog, or Urdhva Mukha Svanasana. This is a posture I see done incorrectly allllll the time. It takes patience and work to do the full expression of this posture (as seen below). To start, do Cobra. Lower yourself all the way down to the floor from Chaturanga Dandasana. Place your hands next to your chest and on an inhale, barely lift the chest. You're not using your arms much here, but your back muscles. Exhale back down. Inhale lift a little higher, this time use more of your arms, keeping your legs and the top of your feet firmly pressed into the ground.

The full posture goes like this: You've exhaled half way down for Chaturanga. Inhale, roll over your toes so the top of your feet are pressed into the earth, keep your shoulders away from your ears, elbows next to your sides and reach through your sternum as you push up. Your head is the last thing to look up, careful of the neck. Your thighs and calves are lifted off the ground, core is tight.

This stretch feels soooooo good after working your core or your back muscles. It should feel good. If it doesn't feel good, drop down so your legs are pressed into your mat (keep your shoulders away from your ears!). If that doesn't feel good, come down to cobra. Don't let your ego get in the way. Listen and honor your body.

Chaturanga Dandasana

Next pose includes the transition to the pose, and the pose itself. Start out in Tadasana, exhale all of the air out, reaching down towards the ground.












Inhale, filling your ribcage and lift your arms up and overhead, look up at your finger tips. Keep your shoulders integrated, so your shoulders go down your back as you continue reaching up.

















If your hands don't touch comfortably, keep them shoulder width apart. (Now the fun part is to try and remember to do this all in one, long inhale!)












Exhale, bring your arms down and out and hinge at the hips, keeping your back flat until you can't any longer. Fold forward, bending your knees as much as you need too so your hands touch the floor. Drop the head, relaxing the neck.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  




Inhale, come up half way to a straight back, finger tips to the floor. Keep your core strong
                       








                                                         
                                                                                                                                                                                     This next step can be the hardest for some because you are doing all of this on an exhale. But you can do it. Here is what you're going to do. Exhale slowly, step back into high plank.
                                                                                                                                   





                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       




Stack your wrists under your shoulders and spread your fingers as wide as they go.          








Roll forward on your toes, lower down keeping your elbows by your side. Lower down half way, keep you body as aligned as possible (because I have that nice little bubble butt, it doesn't look like I have my hips in line with my shoulders. But I really do. Pinky promise.)



If you need too, come down to your knees. It is better to keep your alignment than keep your ego puffed. Coming down to your knees will build strength. Eventually you will be able to stay on your toes. Its all good. Celebrate where you are now.

As I worked on this posture, sometimes I would just do a set of chaturangas. Its what helped me build strength, and chaturanga is the basis for a lot of other fun postures (like inversions!)

Some modifications: If you have wrist problems, curl your hands into fists. If you have shoulder issues, don't go down as far. Like I said, coming down to your knees is always an option.

Let me know if you have any questions! I'll answer all that I can.